AMY GOODMAN: You’re listening to Democracy Now! I’m Amy Goodman. And in this last segment, yes, we’ve been talking a lot about the Republicans, because that’s where most of the heat has been, and we haven’t heard a lot about Clinton. Well, right now we’re going to go to Clinton. We’ve gotten a chance to get this person off the campaign trail and speak with us. No, it’s not Bill, but it’s Kate. And we welcome you to Pacifica’s Democracy Now!

KATE CLINTON: Thanks. Thanks. I’m talking to you from a phone booth in North Carolina.

AMY GOODMAN: Yeah? And what are saying to the people?

KATE CLINTON: Well, I just announced my candidacy at the old guys in mesh hats family diner here in North Carolina. They were all eating. And I just stood up and announced my candidacy. They were stunned, but they just kept eating. But, you know, I’m real excited. After the New Hampshire primary, I just decided—and it was Ash Wednesday, so quickly after, that I just have to give up some things, like a private life, a personal life, and decided that I would run for—I’d run for president. I’m real excited about it. It’s a time-honored tradition among comedians. And so I’m on the trail. I’ve got a running mate, Lesley Gore, so it is the Clinton-Gore ticket. And we’re just excited about that. And our thing is “It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to.” We’ve got almost everything in place.

AMY GOODMAN: Now, where are you going next?

KATE CLINTON: I don’t know. You know, my sister—this is another thing we’re doing. My sister is my campaign director, like sort of like Bay Buchanan, you know, kind of Bay Watch kind of crazy thing. And she’s talking to the travel agent right now. We’re getting a lot of frequent—we’re putting the whole thing on Visa card and going into debt, too, which is another time-honored tradition here. So, I’m going to hear from her later in the day about where I’m going, but it’s just real exciting down here in North Carolina. Got some decisions to make right off the bat, you know? I’ve got to decide what plaid, what plaid shirt I’ll be wearing, because that’s very big. I don’t think the brown shirts will do. I guess Pat Buchanan’s kind of got the brown shirt thing. He’s promised to get the trains running on time, or at least not into each other.

AMY GOODMAN: Now, Kate Clinton, I hate to interrupt this—

KATE CLINTON: Yeah.

AMY GOODMAN: —train of thought here. But I wanted to ask you something—

KATE CLINTON: God, I got one going. I’m excited.

AMY GOODMAN: It’s true. I just wanted to ask you something that is not often asked of the candidates.

KATE CLINTON: Yeah.

AMY GOODMAN: And I realize you might not be prepared for this. It might be a little off the subject. But what—

KATE CLINTON: Favorite colors?

AMY GOODMAN: What are your stands on the issues?

KATE CLINTON: My stands on the issues, very, very simple. I noticed that Steve Forbes, a billionaire who can, you know, kind of tell his people how to run our lives, has—you just have one simple idea, and you just keep saying it over and over. You know, like “How are you doing?” He says, “Flat tax.” And, you know, “What are you going to do—what’s your stand on abortion?” “Flat tax.” “Wasn’t your dad gay?” “Flat tax. Flat tax. Flat tax.” So I’ve learned from him to have one very simple idea. And my simple idea—and I believe Adrienne Rich said it best: The decision—the real decision—is to feed the world. And that is the campaign I’m running on: Feed the world.

AMY GOODMAN: And how do you suggest going about doing that?

KATE CLINTON: Well, first of all, it won’t be with the fake fats. No olestra, which just sounds like a tragedy, doesn’t it? No olestra, no fake fats.

AMY GOODMAN: But how are you going to get Procter & Gamble to support your campaign then?

KATE CLINTON: Oh, Archer Daniels Midland is what we’re really going for. They’ve got—actually, you know, they—

AMY GOODMAN: You think that’s going to get you on the Sunday talk shows?

KATE CLINTON: Of course. Of course. And, actually, it’s not really a talk show anymore. I think they ought to have a show called Meet the Oppressor. And we’d just get on and have scream fights with old guys who used to be Jesuits.

AMY GOODMAN: Now, Kate Clinton, where in this country do you plan to go? And do you plan to go outside this country, since you’re talking about feeding the world? Will you be campaigning in other places?

KATE CLINTON: Well, actually, I was thinking of moving to some godless communist country, but there aren’t any anymore, apparently. I will—mostly, I’m going to be following the campaign trail, just criss-crossing this country and just—one of my big things is I do think that we should drug test candidates. I don’t think there’s any way that candidates can do what they do without being on some kind of drug. I think we should drug test the candidates every day, and if they’re on something, they’re out of there. I myself am just fueled by the—my love of country. But that’s certainly not going to feed anybody. But I hope to get, you know, all the big conglomerates, the big agribusinesses to sign on here to my plan.

AMY GOODMAN: But, Kate?

KATE CLINTON: Yeah.

AMY GOODMAN: You’re a woman.

KATE CLINTON: Yeah. Oh, right. Well, you know, I toured a chicken part plant here in North Carolina. And this was kind of exciting. They’re already making something called Chicken McPat, which is named after Pat Buchanan. And it’s all right wings and assholes. And I just—I think that’s a great idea. It is—you know, the good thing about running as a woman right now is it’s taken the focus off Hillary Clinton, who I think could use a break, my dear sister-in-law.

AMY GOODMAN: You’re just making me think, if you don’t make it, maybe you could start an organization called Chicks for Pat.

KATE CLINTON: Chicks for Pat, exactly. And I think it would all be boneless chickens, don’t you think? Certainly without spines.

AMY GOODMAN: Well, Kate Clinton, we thank you very much for taking this time out from your busy day and your busy campaign schedule.

KATE CLINTON: Very busy.

AMY GOODMAN: And letting our listeners know what you’re doing, because a lot of people were wondering, “When is Clinton going to come out on the campaign trail?”

KATE CLINTON: Yeah, I’m going to—I am out, and I’m out here working, and I have—I’m shaking hands. I’m shaking so many—I’ve shaken my own hand at one point. So, I’m busy, and I’ll keep telling you how it’s going.

AMY GOODMAN: Well, just keep shaking, Kate Clinton. We thank you very much for joining us.

KATE CLINTON: Thank you.

AMY GOODMAN: That’s it for today’s edition of Democracy Now! Join us tomorrow for our journalist roundtable with Laura Flanders of Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting and my co-host Juan González of the New York Daily News and Salim Muwakkil of In These Times in Chicago. Also, since the next presidential primary is in Delaware this Saturday, we’ll be going behind the nylon curtain, taking a look at the DuPont family and banking in Delaware.